Tweets From Former Presidents on the Occasion of the Trump Presidency

At the dawn of the Trump administration all the promises that the Donald would become presidential—so presidential that we would all be bored—have come to naught. Donald will be Donald; and the age of presidential tweets is upon us.

Rather than lament the decline of American political rhetoric, why not embrace the new age of political communication?

What would happen if former presidents, the living and the less so, sent advice to the new occupant of the White House via twitter accounts? What would pithy presidents have to say? Allow me to offer a few invented (yes, fake) examples:

@JamesPolk

Forget the wall. Try war with Mexico. Worked for me. #HallsOfMontezuma

@W.

Water boarding can be fun, but you can’t do it to Democratic members of Congress. What’s the use? #StillLookingForWMD

@TeddyRoosevelt

“Bully pulpit” doesn’t mean be a bully. It means be a preacher, say something worthwhile. That would be bully (the adjective, not the noun). #RighteousRoughRider

@CalvinCoolidge

I have nothing to say. Really, nothing. #SilentCal

@GeorgeWashington

In my inaugural, I asked Congress to forego my salary. Go for it. Generous gestures will make you more famous than twitter tirades. #FoundingFather

@HerbertHoover

Watch out for the economy. Businessmen with no electoral experience can make big mistakes. Great depression—really depressing. Damn. #HooverDamn

@WilliamHowardTaft

Stories that I got stuck in the White House bathtub completely false. Fake history! Still, stick to showers. Take no chances. #RotundRumors

@FDR

You have nothing to fear, but fear itself. That and a congressional investigation of your dealings with Russia. #Stalin’sWartimeBuddy

@RichardNixon

I just wanted to listen to the DNC. Never thought of sharing what I heard with the press. Actually, I did think of that, just got caught too soon. #AskPenceForAPardon

@MillardFillmore

OK, you’ve never heard of me. No one has. Could be worse; I could be you. #WaitingForMyBumpInPresidentialRankings

@JFK

So, you too are a ladies’ man. I tried hard not to get caught. You should work on that. #NeverAppearOnAccessHollywood

@BarackObama

Read Lincoln. He could say more in a single sentence than anyone in the twitter universe. Besides, reading is good. You should try it. #BornToRun&BornInHawaii

@AbrahamLincoln

With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in… #TopThatInYour140

These twisted tweets were published by Newsweek on January 20, 2017.